Comedy is Serious Business

When I “rebooted” this blog a couple of months ago, I tried to make my text posts more topic oriented rather than blog about my personal life. The reason being is that, frankly, I lead a very boring life. I’m the quintessential nerd: most of my day is spent immobile in front of a illuminated screen. Also, I always found personal blogs (with the exception of a few) very pretentious. When I hear the phrase “Oh, I totally blog about this!” or “You should definitely read my blog!” it makes never want to blog again out of fear of becoming that guy.

Now I’m going to break my one rule. I think enough semi-interesting things have happened in my life in the past couple of months to amass one semi-interesting blog post. I guess that’s enough build up, let’s get to it.

As of right now, I’m 23-years-old and just graduated college with a B.A. in Communications (concentration in theatre and comedy) with a minor in music. Why my parents would allow their child to do that, especially in this economy, is beyond me. And, if you couldn’t already guess, I’m extremely unemployed.

After sending job applications pretty much everywhere, I finally got hired at a hardware store whose name rhymes with “The Dome Depot.” Now let that sink in: I’m a stay at home nerd with a B.A. in theatre. I’ve never done anything physical or handy in my entire life. I took the job fully aware ofthe cosmic irony of the situation. Also because I was dead broke. A few days and training courses later, I was a certified garden associate.

I became very proficient in the art of bullshitting. I confidently sold lawnmowers, grills, soil, and fertilizer having never used these items before. When I wasn’t doing that, I was usually picking something very heavy up to put back down in another location. The job was murder on my legs (the floor, in its entirety, was comprised of industrial strength concrete) but the pay was decent.

After about four months, my appendix decided it had had enough of its meaningless existence and ruptured. If you want an effective weight loss regimen, have your appendix explode. You’ll have no appetite in which to eat your liquid based diet. Plus, an entire organ gets removed from your body so that’s about a pound or so right there. On top of that, no physical effort is necessary; you can sleep all you want. Don’t even get me started on the miracle that is painkillers.

When I got out of the hospital, I had a few weeks off from work in order to stay home and rest. This was an eye opening experience for me. I realized that even though I was earning a paycheck, I had no time to focus on my career. After a shift, I was too physically and mentally exhausted to write, I wasn’t performing stand-up, and my saxophones were collecting dust. As far as I was concerned, it was wasting my time. Mostly it was a hinderance keeping me from what I went to college for. I couldn’t see myself working at the hardware store anymore. I had to quit.

Oh, cliffhanger! Part two to come sometime soon.